I have had some interesting conversations lately will a few people on suffering. I am not sure if it’s our season of life but it sometimes feels like so many people we know are going through big things. This won’t be so much an enlightening post as it is me processing and sharing as I process myself.

I can remember so vividly as we walked the halls of the Embassy in Bogota the day we got Jackson’s cancer diagnosis. We had to go to the Embassy to schedule our medevac for the next morning and Seth had to gather his things from his desk.  We had no idea if and when we would return. We went from knowing people as simply colleagues to them seeing us in some of our most vulnerable moments.  I remember a colleague of Seth walking up to us and saying “this can’t be true, bad things don’t happen to good people, you are too good for your son to have cancer”. It struck a chord with me, don’t we all want to believe that if we are just good enough that good will come to us. The truth is bad things happen to good people and people who do bad don’t always appear to reap the consequences of their actions.   As our pastor talked about yesterday in his sermon, we live in a fallen world and this is not the way God intended it.

And on top of the truth that bad things happen to good people there unfortunately isn’t a quota system. If there was I could sigh in relief that we checked the broken bone box, or the miscarriage box,  the loss of a friend box. We all have things that have become part of our pasts and often are woven into our futures. They are painful and growing and defeating and humbling.

But as a Christian I believe that God does work things for the good of those who love him. We may not see where the good will come from but he does use sufferings to refine us. When I look at Owen in light of my miscarriage I am aware that sweet Owen who was made perfectly to fit into our family would not have been here had it not been for the pain and heartache we experienced before him. You hear stories about the person who got delayed leaving their home only to have their route interrupted and avoiding a car crash.  I heard a speaker a few weeks ago talk about how she got pregnant years ago just after getting married. It hadn’t been part of their 5 year plan and she was completely thrown. A year and a half later she delivered a baby still born. As she walked back into her home after leaving the hospital her first born ran to her and at that moment she had an overwhelming sense of God’s provision and providence. This little boy that was a surprise to her was the little love that showed light and joy in some of her most sorrowful moments.  But then there are the cancers and unexplainable deaths. Those don’t add up as easily. And even when we can see the good or the reverse side of the coin oh how we long to have both/and.

I think this is the most challenging part about faith. It’s easy to have faith and thanksgiving on days when things are going our way. But what about when it doesn’t look like you imagined it.  Why would a loving God allow the ones he created to suffer? We live in a fallen world.   This is not the way He intended it.

The blessings of this Thanksgiving week are not lost on me.  There is so much to be thankful for.  It might take me a lifetime to learn to rejoice in suffering but I am thankful for a loving God who knows our hearts and loves us through the tough times. For those of you that are suffering I pray that this thanksgiving would be one that you feel showered with peace.  It seems many of our friends are experiencing big things right now and I am sure each of you know people that are going through hard times.  Holidays are tough when you have lost…a job, a loved one, a marriage.  If you are feeling on top of the world with your turkey roasting and your pies baking, take a moment to not only be thankful for your current abundance but pray for those that struggle to feel thankful through their tough times.