I sit down to write today with a bit of a heavy heart. It’s not that someone is sick or that we are losing our house (although that stinky chimney work is still going on and as long as I can hear it I am aware we are having to build a new chimney). Nothing that heavy. More of a momma bear kind of heavy heart.

Yesterday I picked Jackson up from school and he came running out to me. He crossed his arms and stuck his tongue out at his best little buddy. WHOA, whoa, whoa, what is going on here? I knew for him to be mad at him something had to have happened. On the verge of tears he explained to me that as he packed his backpack to come home the ziplock bag with backup underwear (yes I just said the work underwear, roll with it, I promise that is as bad as it gets)  fell out and the whole class laughed. Including his buddy. He told me that he was so embarrassed and felt so angry that they would laugh. I tried to take it all in stride. I didn’t want to make it a bigger deal than it was but I wanted him to know that he could talk to me about it.  I didn’t talk him out of it, geesh, it WAS humiliating. We all have dreams nightmares about the world seeing our underwear. And they aren’t fun. But for it to happen in front of 23 other people, people who’s opinions matter to you….is excruciating.  As we talked through it Seth and I told him embarrassing stories about ourselves and that we had felt the same way. I prayed that by this morning it would have blown over. And it hadn’t. The cloud was still there and our boy didn’t want to go to school to face all of his friends again. Because it happened at the end of the day he hadn’t had any time with his friends beyond the laughing and the teacher having to reprimand the class.  I talked to him about some things he could say that would be kind if other kids brought it up but I really encouraged him not to bring it up again with them…knowing that the giggles could start again if it came up. I dropped him off hesitantly this morning. And without him knowing (and holding back a few tears of my own) I wrote his teacher a quick email this morning. I  let her know that Jackson was still feeling badly about it and to just be listening in case it started again (I also wanted her to be aware that he might be super angry about it).  She wrote me back the kindest email. She understood and she was watching out.

Why on earth am I telling you this story and what the heck does it have to do with home? Well, this morning as I hesitantly got ready to head out with Jackson to school I thought about how our home is a safe haven and a spring board. Whatever emotions arise are safe here. I work to make this place physically comfortable and pretty but beyond that it needs to be a place of emotional comfort as well, and much more importantly. We come home, sometimes heavy laden and we unload here. We are safe to be happy, sad, angry, giddy, moody, overwhelmed…. We can work through these emotions together and in many forms and fashions. We each handle them so differently. (I’m the crier of the family…there, it’s out there.)  I work hard to acknowledge the boys feelings. Nothing worse than being sad or upset and then having someone tell you you don’t feel that way. We work through ways to deal with the emotions in ways that are healthy. Sometimes we are successful! And many times not. But regardless our home is a safe haven from the storms in life. Some storms seem small like a fallen ziplock of unmentionables and others big and consuming. But each storm is one that requires protection from the elements. We can come in, snuggle under a quilt and take the load off. We can open the creeky door of our hearts and know that whatever is inside is nothing to be ashamed of. We know we are still loved no matter how we feel.  And then we can find strength in this reassurance and we can see ourselves as we really are.

And as much as our home is a safe haven it is also a spring board back into the world, hopefully more equipped to respond and grow and make the world a better place. Stepping up to the spring board is painful…and dragging your child to the edge is even more painful when they have had a bad experience. But the thrill of the spring is so invigorating on the other end.  Being on the other side of the storm is so reassuring and affirming.  I don’t know how Jackson has fared his storm today. I trust he had a better day and I will soon find out. But this isn’t the last time something embarrassing will happen. It’s just the beginning of facing the world’s criticism and I pray that weathering these storms will make him a stronger guy, able to respond to his emotions and be sympathetic to others. (update: he broke the ice and had a much better day)

Is your home a safe haven? A place where you can safely be yourself and express how you feel?  Is it a place that readies you for the world and helps you step onto that spring board?  Ours is a constant work in progress and we have SO much to learn!