The remembering of 9/11 would have likely been enough to cause some anxiety in me this year. I decided last week to talk to Jackson about 9/11 knowing that he would likely hear things at school. It was an interesting conversation and I think he had some good questions. Although there aren’t many good answers. Coming stateside has brought a great deal of relief from the anxiety of being in countries that don’t love Americans but the thought of Seth being down in the heart of our capital has for sure reignited some fears.   Last week was a big one for the Foreign Service family. Like any family it has it’s quirkiness but again like any family tragedy brings us together and makes us all analyze the parts we play in the family story. I vividly remember the warnings in Bogota, the blockbuster blowing up down the road from us, kidnapping threats and paying for my maid to take a taxi the 30 plus miles home one afternoon when there were 7 bus bombs going off throughout our city. In general we were very safe, but often there were risks. Our time in Switzerland felt safe but it still wasn’t home.  And now, when I expected to feel much safer being home I am aware that Seth is often at risk even stateside.

Last week I found myself fearful as we watched the news and we made contact with multiple friends around the world. Some evacuating, some staying put during scary times and others like us in “safe” places looking on and hoping for peace around the world. Losing an Ambassador and other fellow diplomats is a sad thing for our community.  Schools burning, walls being jumped and just general hatred is unsettling.

And no matter how much anxiety I feel or how much sleep I lose ultimately I know that God is in control.  And as my grandmother wrote in an email recently “I am sure that any place we are in God’s will we are safe. Just don’t always know what ‘safe’ means to God!“. I agree. My idea of safe may be far from where God wants me.

This week I am trying to walk by faith knowing that we can control very little. I will make every effort to live a healthy, productive, influential life that is hopefully a blessing to others, but I have no control over my days. Only God knows the hours and moments that remain.  My prayer is for peace and safety for friends and family worldwide, and for our little family here.

On a completely different note we had a really fun weekend with family and friends here in VA. I will try to hop on here later to share some pictures of our day at the fair on Saturday!

I knew the day was coming. It actually came a while back in the spring. Jackson learned the word “hate” at school and it was just a matter of time before he would think he knew how to use it when he got mad…at me. Over the summer tensions were at all all time high. For Jackson in particular. He was so ready to just be a kid and not be pulled and prodded along with every packed suitcase, daddy across the country and no sign of his earthly belongings. I knew it was coming but I wasn’t prepared for how sad it made me feel. Clearly I knew Jackson loved me and didn’t mean it but oh my was he in big trouble! His punishment from Seth was that he would have to sit down at the table and write “Jackson loves mommy”. Most dramatic hour ever.   Jackson’s writing was so crazy (because he was steaming and smoke was coming out his ears) and ginormous that he filled up the numbers without having to write in every line but he didn’t know the difference. He just knew he didn’t want to do that again. It wasn’t the last time he said it, it has come again since and I am afraid will come for years to come. Parenting is tough on many levels.  We get to be the guinea pigs for our children’s pilot personalities, quirks and charms.  We get the unedited version that needs to be refined. Often my boys look like mirrors to my own rough edges. Yikes.

Jackson’s behavior has been on the up and up and I can already see maturity in him since school started.  Owen has know stepped in to fill the space while Jackson is away and is attempting to pull out all of the 2 year old stops. He is ever so slowly realizing that I have seen this before and  the reactions just aren’t as satisfying the second time around.

So I mentioned that Seth was sending me out to write a couple of nights ago. it didn’t happen that night but last night I got out and it was such a nice breather to miss bed time and be out of the house. I ordered a decaf salted caramel mocha and it was so yummy! I rarely order something new because I am scared I won’t like it! I highly recommend it!  And I highly recommend stepping out during bedtime sometime…if you are able of course.  It’s good to gain some perspective on my job as a mom and that often requires stepping away for a bit!  Thanks, Seth!