Wait, stop. This momma isn’t gonna buy anything. or at least not a string of things to keep you feeling happy if one thing breaks.

We have sung this song a zillion times with our boys. Well, mainly with Jackson when he was younger. But sometime around the time that Jackson hit his toddler prime I became very disenchanted with it. He was totally self-absorbed, as he should have been as a 2 something and spent every ounce of his energy to get what he wanted. And somehow, at some point I sang that song and it hit me that I was feeding him a message I wasn’t sure I wanted him to have. Don’t worry if this doesn’t work because we will buy you something else, and if that doesn’t work, don’t worry…we will just find something better. The other message is if you are quiet I will get you what you want.

Now just to clarify, I am not against a good bribe. There are times and places when bribes are a NECESSITY. You may not agree and that is okay. But I find there are times when a distraction, i.e. a piece of candy or something unexpected, can be both pacifying and motivating. And yes, at least in our home there are times when certain members of the family need encouragement to be quiet or motivated to obedience, whichever the case may be.

The truth is we do love to give our children gifts. And gifts are fun and satisfying. But they aren’t going to fulfill us. There is comfort for a child in knowing that their parents can provide for them. But I think we are doing our children a disservice if we let them think we can fix anything and provide everything.  Because the truth is we can’t. And I am sort of a perfectionist so this is hard to say. Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t mind my kids being proud of their mom and thinking she is superwoman…but I am not. As Jackson has grown I have been talking to him about how the things we have are blessings. I don’t hesitate to say, Daddy has been working extra hard at work to make money for us to use and we have decided we will use some of our money to buy such and such. I don’t want him to think he can get anything he wants. Sure I want him to be happy and as a parent I do want to give him things he will enjoy but that doesn’t always mean it’s the best thing for him. I want him to see a correlation between work and earning, and I want him to see the joy in unexpected blessings.

And if you sing this song, sing away. But for now while my kids are in the “me”, “mine”, “all my own”, “more”, “it’s just not fair” phase of life I think I am going to look for some other tunes! Because this momma is too tired to go hunting for a mocking bird that sings, shiny diamond ring, a looking glass, a billy goat and a horse and cart.

So this isn’t officially a Foreign Service blog. We happen to be an FS family so this blog includes lots about our life as such but it isn’t meant to be “for the Foreign Service”. But lately I have been getting comments from other FS wives. I appreciate you all checking in. I am not sure how we got on the list of blogs and it makes me nervous but I am excited to likewise find other blogs and share in that community. We share a crazy lifestyle. I want to take advantage of your experiences and ask a few questions that have been nagging me. This is the one that gets me the most lately….

How is your lifestyle in the FS affecting your children…don’t give me the “kids are so resilient” stuff, tell me what the joys have been for your kids and where the challenges have been. Our 3 1/2 yr old has struggled with this particular move more than I anticipated and it has my wheels turning.

If you are comfortable, please share!!!  I would love to glean a little wisdom on this parenting abroad business!

I hate change. Like hate it. I like plans and I like predictability. (Insert laugh out loud here that I find myself yet again far from home). But it goes deeper than not just enjoying frequent changes in address. I like being able to count on people to be who I think they are. More than counting on other people to be who I expect, I like to recognize myself! Over the past few months I have found myself just not feeling quite like myself.  It’s been more than humbling.

There are times in my life I look back on fondly and I can wish that people and things are like they were. But they aren’t. and thank goodness. I am positive Seth doesn’t want me to live as someone stuck in the past. He wants me to be here and in the now.  My kids deserve my affection and attention and shouldn’t have to beg for it when I am distracted by life. Change is hard but I know we are better for it.

A couple of yrs ago we experienced a curve ball in life that we weren’t expecting. As jolting and trying it was and continues to be, I have to take times periodically to step back and watch the changes that have come and the growth that has taken place. I can’t deny God’s hand in our lives and in the lives of others around us. For a while I tried to ride on the wave of blaming others for my feelings and for distance. I am SLOWLY realizing that it isn’t worth sacrificing my own joy to wallow in what I deserve or how things may have turned out prettier.  A friend recently tried on clothes with some girl friends and after trying numerous things her friend said “well, it is what it is”. I have used that quote in my own head alot lately. It’s so true. It is what it is. It isn’t “when I am skinnier”, “when it is sunnier”, “when they are happier and healthier”, “when so and so does____”. It is what it is. And I want to cash in on life. I can hold on to memories or I can embrace change.

Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That’s how the light gets in

by Leonard Cohen

I may have posted the above before..I liked it so much when I saw it it is very possible I have used it. But it is appropriate here. I try so hard for perfect offerings and I often expect perfect offerings from those I love. I want things to be pretty and want to fix every crack. Thank goodness we are cracked because I sure do love the light. I am positive a few cracks have been added to my self over the past yrs, but I am also positive that I am experiencing more light than I did before. Look in the mirror and see what cracks you have. They may be prettier than you thought. Or they may need to crack a bit more to allow a little more light in.