A few Sundays ago our pastor preached on this passage, Romans 12:15.

I think before hearing this message I would have said I knew what he was talking about. I hate it when others are in pain or are struggling.  I drive myself (and likely the recipients) completely crazy trying to figure out how to carry other people’s burdens when at times it just isn’t possible. I have cried with many a friend and have rejoiced with many as well.

The news of my dear friend Bonnie passing her PA exam, the news of my little brother getting engaged, the news that my big brother was expecting his first baby girl.. and then a couple yrs later his second, the news that Jackson was cancer-free,  the news that after 18 weeks of pregnancy the doctor thought Owen was going to make it…those things have brought me great joy and have brought about rejoicing! I continue to thank God for those things and so many more! But then there is the weeping. In the last 24 hours I have learned of a girl my age who is on her death bed with cervical cancer (close the leaving her 3 yr, 5 yr old and husband behind), a marriage in distress, the death of a friends dear friend in the terrorist attack in Uganda. My heart grieves. Try as I may to step back and focus on our move and what is going on in our lives my heart remains heavy and prayerful. Lord, I can’t remove any of this. It is all so painful. Use me despite myself.

As I mature I realize that this verse is so true.  This is what I am called to. God doesn’t ask me to make everyone happy and solve all of their problems. I am to rejoice with those who rejoice and I am to weep with those who weep.

My prayer is that God would use me.  That he would give me a heart that can genuinely rejoice for others, even when I would love to be in their situation and that he would give me the energy and sensitivity to weep with others even at times when I have not experienced what they are going through.  As I get older I am learning that it isn’t about being excited or crying, it is about walking with Christ and allowing him to use us beyond ourselves. I think I hoped the bubble of youth would last a little longer. The growing pains are, well, quite painful.