I knew the day was coming. It actually came a while back in the spring. Jackson learned the word “hate” at school and it was just a matter of time before he would think he knew how to use it when he got mad…at me. Over the summer tensions were at all all time high. For Jackson in particular. He was so ready to just be a kid and not be pulled and prodded along with every packed suitcase, daddy across the country and no sign of his earthly belongings. I knew it was coming but I wasn’t prepared for how sad it made me feel. Clearly I knew Jackson loved me and didn’t mean it but oh my was he in big trouble! His punishment from Seth was that he would have to sit down at the table and write “Jackson loves mommy”. Most dramatic hour ever.   Jackson’s writing was so crazy (because he was steaming and smoke was coming out his ears) and ginormous that he filled up the numbers without having to write in every line but he didn’t know the difference. He just knew he didn’t want to do that again. It wasn’t the last time he said it, it has come again since and I am afraid will come for years to come. Parenting is tough on many levels.  We get to be the guinea pigs for our children’s pilot personalities, quirks and charms.  We get the unedited version that needs to be refined. Often my boys look like mirrors to my own rough edges. Yikes.

Jackson’s behavior has been on the up and up and I can already see maturity in him since school started.  Owen has know stepped in to fill the space while Jackson is away and is attempting to pull out all of the 2 year old stops. He is ever so slowly realizing that I have seen this before and  the reactions just aren’t as satisfying the second time around.

So I mentioned that Seth was sending me out to write a couple of nights ago. it didn’t happen that night but last night I got out and it was such a nice breather to miss bed time and be out of the house. I ordered a decaf salted caramel mocha and it was so yummy! I rarely order something new because I am scared I won’t like it! I highly recommend it!  And I highly recommend stepping out during bedtime sometime…if you are able of course.  It’s good to gain some perspective on my job as a mom and that often requires stepping away for a bit!  Thanks, Seth!

Hi folks,

Hope you all had a nice weekend. Yes, I realize it’s Tuesday not Monday and the week started yesterday but my week feels like it is just getting going. I am having a hard time finding momentum. I think it’s just part of getting into a new schedule and balancing out the busy and the tired. Oh yea, and recovering from an entire summer of moving and working on the house.

A few times lately I have been aware that when I sit down to work at the computer I am literally half on the chair, turned toward someone needing something while half listening and half typing.  I am realizing that I need to have more focused times. More focused times with my kids and more focused times to tap into creative things. I know there was a lot of buzz a while back about being distracted by pintrest, facebook, and presentness if that’s a word. I agree wholeheartedly about being present but I also think it’s a truly beautiful thing that as a stay at home mom I can find some sanity and refreshment in creative things. I used to feel guilty about that, now I realize I need it.

So tonight I am heading out before my first PTA meeting (I know, crazy that we are in that phase of life)  and I am going to spend some time alone blogging and thinking a bit more clearly. I am hoping to hop on with the Nester in October and do a 31 day series but I know that it is going to require me to carve out more time! More on the series soon. Still hashing it all out.

In other mini updates…

Jackson is still really enjoying kindergarten, Owen is adjusting to his buddy being gone all day and I am still figuring it all out.

Seth had a neck/back procedure last week. Pray that it relieves the pain and numbness he has in his fingers and arm from a herniated disk. I sure would love for him to not have to have back surgery!

Our house is now home for 2 big caterpillars. Let me rephrase that, our house now houses 2 sealed jars that are home to two caterpillars. One we think is a polyphemus moth and the other is a black swallow tail caterpillar. The black swallow tail is already in the crystalis (sp?) phase, while the polyphemus is still just a big fat caterpillar. We have had tons of butterflies this year in our yard. It will be fun if one of the caterpillars survive long enough to be released as a butterfly.

We are continuing to enjoy life here in the US but also really miss our dear friends in Switzerland and abroad. I am just now getting around to changing subscriptions to magazines and other normal life stuff…I think I have been dragging my feet a bit because there is that lingering part of transition that takes longer to grasp.  It’s tough to miss watching friends babies grow and experience the seasons with friends from afar. So, if you are in Switzerland, know that you are missed and certainly not forgotten!

Have a great day wherever in the world you might be!  It’s 70 degrees here at 10 AM…I think that calls for a cup of Swiss hot chocolate on the porch with Owen!

I did a search on pintrest and up popped amazing cupcakes and clothes and decor all things school.  Super cute but ummmm seemingly impossible when you consider the fact that school requires dressing kids, packing lunch, remembering school work, encouraging through the resistance to get out the door, reassuring the younger sibling their time will come…..

I have been on the hunt for fun lunch ideas but again, the ideas are boundless and require way more than my 15 mins I plan on spending. Sorry, bud, your fruit will not be cut out into shapes of apples and your cheese into the shape of pencils. Nor will it be skewered. But I don’t love you any less! (and you all know I am SO tempted to do 90% of these lunches. I bet I will fall into temptation at least once but I want to keep expectations low at first. I can’t start with a puppy shapes sandwich with scooby bone-shaped cookies on the first day) And moms out there that are doing these…you are my hero!  But we can’t be friends because the pressure to copy you would be too strong!

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Some feasible ideas I have seen are….

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tortilla roll up with peanut butter and jelly and a banana all wrapped up…although I just learned that we cannot take any peanut products! So this will have to be modified! ….a continuation of the peanut discussion is that pb&j is on the cafeteria menu but we can’t send it. It is all so confusing to me!

homemade lunchables…ie cut the ham and cheese and pop in some cracker instead of making a sandwich with bread

hard boiled eggs…my sister-in-law showed me these little egg molds. Jackson will for sure come home asking me how the chicken laid an egg in the shape of a car or a fish but once we got beyond that I think he would get a kick out of them! We got some off Amazon!

Our first week of packing lunches went pretty well. I am still looking for ideas for mixing it up and making it easier but so far so good. And I think he’s actually eating it….I was worried he would be so busy and excited that he wouldn’t touch it and would come home starving. And for buying lunch I am still adjusting to my child being able to use a pin to pay for his lunch on days he buys! Credit cards will be no big deal after basically having one in Kindergarten! It’s pizza day today so I had to let him buy……he has to have that first experience of the famous rectangular school pizza!

Well, we have successfully made it through the first couple of days of school. Jackson is loving it and he is EXHAUSTED. On the first day of school we took the pictures on the front porch and made all of the big fuss. When we got to the school I could tell that he was nervous but in true Jackson form he jumped out and said ” okay guys you can just let me go to school now, you don’t even need to walk into the school with me”….he quickly broke into a big laugh and said it was a big joke because he needed us to come.  Nice try buddy. We went in and sat with him in the cafeteria until his teacher was ready to take him to his class room. He sat down next to a little boy from his class and they both sat nervously and quietly for a minute trying to be strong. After a few minutes one of them noticed that the other has a big scar of his knee too and a spider man lunch box…at that point I knew Jackson would be okay. I had no idea if there would be tears (from any of us!) but he stayed strong. When he got into line he hesitated for a minute but when the class left he walked on with excitement and never looked back. Had he looked back he would have seen his mom crying! Just for a little minute. He looked so big and so excited and so independent.

this last look is the one that got me crying, before walking down the hall he gave us this serious “is this for real? I have to go?” look that made me want to tell him he could wait until next year!

I told him that when he came out of school he could give me a thumbs up if it was good or a thumbs down if it was bad! (knowing darn well he would love it!)

and in fact he did love it! and this is his first drawing of the year…one happy boy with yellow hair and bright blue eyes! I love it!

And Owen you ask….he loves his brother and misses him but this is a picture of him after we left Jackson! He has a little spring in his step

Hope you are all having happy back to school weeks wherever in the world you might be!