well, in actuality the fish is (was) named Stormy…but he was bought out of pity. A couple of days after Jackson broke his arm he was home and cooped up and miserable about missing so much at school. We had our fish bowl out in the garage waiting for a good day to give in and get the boys one and I gave Seth that “we need a darn goldfish look” or a puppy, but the second option wasn’t an option so goldfish it was.

Ages ago I wrote a post about the song Hush little baby, a vent of sorts. As parents it is so tough to not want your kids to be happy. I want my kids to be heard and comforted and affirmed, but I also want life to feel better. Sometimes that is in the form of extra time together, a spur of the moment treat and others it’s in the form of a 29 cent fish.  It is completely appropriate to want to give our kids things but often it isn’t whats needed. I could fill his room with balloons, play the cheeriest of music, tie a pony outside his front window for him to ride, and still his arm would be broken.

We woke up Sunday morning to 2 floating goldfish.  Yep, that’s right, the fish didn’t last as long as the cast, and neither did pity. We are over this cast thing.  Thankful for great doctors (who speak English), great medical care, and healing bones, but not so much for the big red, threat to self and others cast.  I will say the cast as been a catalyst of sorts for Jackson to have to work through disappointment and tempering his energy. So maybe we will all come out with a bit more knowledge and understanding….and one of us with a scronny arm. 

As the boys brainstorm their next pet and argue about who will pick the color of the dog or the size of the hamster, I am smiling thinking of the fish named Pity. He taught me a little lesson on my efforts to try to ignore the real needs.  Will we end up with another fish, likely, but it won’t be named Pity.

I have had some interesting conversations lately will a few people on suffering. I am not sure if it’s our season of life but it sometimes feels like so many people we know are going through big things. This won’t be so much an enlightening post as it is me processing and sharing as I process myself.

I can remember so vividly as we walked the halls of the Embassy in Bogota the day we got Jackson’s cancer diagnosis. We had to go to the Embassy to schedule our medevac for the next morning and Seth had to gather his things from his desk.  We had no idea if and when we would return. We went from knowing people as simply colleagues to them seeing us in some of our most vulnerable moments.  I remember a colleague of Seth walking up to us and saying “this can’t be true, bad things don’t happen to good people, you are too good for your son to have cancer”. It struck a chord with me, don’t we all want to believe that if we are just good enough that good will come to us. The truth is bad things happen to good people and people who do bad don’t always appear to reap the consequences of their actions.   As our pastor talked about yesterday in his sermon, we live in a fallen world and this is not the way God intended it.

And on top of the truth that bad things happen to good people there unfortunately isn’t a quota system. If there was I could sigh in relief that we checked the broken bone box, or the miscarriage box,  the loss of a friend box. We all have things that have become part of our pasts and often are woven into our futures. They are painful and growing and defeating and humbling.

But as a Christian I believe that God does work things for the good of those who love him. We may not see where the good will come from but he does use sufferings to refine us. When I look at Owen in light of my miscarriage I am aware that sweet Owen who was made perfectly to fit into our family would not have been here had it not been for the pain and heartache we experienced before him. You hear stories about the person who got delayed leaving their home only to have their route interrupted and avoiding a car crash.  I heard a speaker a few weeks ago talk about how she got pregnant years ago just after getting married. It hadn’t been part of their 5 year plan and she was completely thrown. A year and a half later she delivered a baby still born. As she walked back into her home after leaving the hospital her first born ran to her and at that moment she had an overwhelming sense of God’s provision and providence. This little boy that was a surprise to her was the little love that showed light and joy in some of her most sorrowful moments.  But then there are the cancers and unexplainable deaths. Those don’t add up as easily. And even when we can see the good or the reverse side of the coin oh how we long to have both/and.

I think this is the most challenging part about faith. It’s easy to have faith and thanksgiving on days when things are going our way. But what about when it doesn’t look like you imagined it.  Why would a loving God allow the ones he created to suffer? We live in a fallen world.   This is not the way He intended it.

The blessings of this Thanksgiving week are not lost on me.  There is so much to be thankful for.  It might take me a lifetime to learn to rejoice in suffering but I am thankful for a loving God who knows our hearts and loves us through the tough times. For those of you that are suffering I pray that this thanksgiving would be one that you feel showered with peace.  It seems many of our friends are experiencing big things right now and I am sure each of you know people that are going through hard times.  Holidays are tough when you have lost…a job, a loved one, a marriage.  If you are feeling on top of the world with your turkey roasting and your pies baking, take a moment to not only be thankful for your current abundance but pray for those that struggle to feel thankful through their tough times.

This year I am trying to be intentional about enjoying the holiday season. For money reasons we are keeping things simple gift-wise but we are trying to still pick some special things to do with the kids throughout the holiday season. Yesterday we had tickets from a living social deal for an enchanted forest. It was really just a small Christmas bazaar. I had built up my expectations so didn’t think it had as much as I thought going on but the kids had no idea what they were missing and we all had a good time. They had crafts for the kids, performances by different dance groups, a train room, a magic show, etc.  The highlight was a room full of holiday train sets. The boys loved it. Their other favorite thing was a magic show by a pirate, who oddly used lots of potty talk and didn’t seem to know what was appropriate, sheesh. So much for potty mouth boot camp at our house. As we snuck out of the magic show early we ran into Santa Clause who was about to get going with all of the professional cameras. While the people bustled to get set up he told us we could snap our own pictures. Owen is standing by his closed eye smile! It wasn’t until after the pictures that I realized this was our first fear-free, scream-free year of meeting Santa. The boys walked up like they knew him and didn’t hesitate when I told them to jump on up. It was a fun morning out as a family. Away from the house projects and upkeep!

I ordered our Christmas cards last night. I have NEVER had them done this early. And it is just a little way I am letting go this year. I began hunting for the perfect picture, pining to take a more recent one, wondering what everyone would wear, and then I just pulled up a picture of the boys from yesterday. Not perfect, no.  Owen’s hand has a big pirate tattoo smack next to Jackson’s cheek and his eyes are almost closed in intense smile oblivion, but they are loving each other and happy and I am letting go of the perfect Christmas card picture for the sake of enjoying the other things that feel far more important!

My next item on the holiday checklist is to get gifts wrapped in the next couple of weeks. Not to be superwoman but to avoid being so stressed and bogged down as the holiday season progresses. I am usually in such a tailspin and so tired by Christmas that it passes by without being enjoyed! Hoping to avoid that this year.

and some blasts from the Santa’s past…

Bogota 2007

Bogota 2008

Bern 2010

We have been lucky enough to get free Santa pictures at Embassy parties in past years. The times we were in the US Seth didn’t think it was worth the money to pay for crying kids to sit on Santa’s lap.

This week I hosted our MOPS cooking club. We meet monthly and have a different theme and location each month. We all bring our favorite recipe in the theme and the recipe to share. We had a theme of Thanksgiving sides this month. One friend brought some turkey and everyone else brought their favorite side dish along with the recipe to share.  I wanted to pick a recipe that was yummy, but also offered a convenient option for busy moms. So I made Gretchen Sandlund’s Mashed Potatoes.

Before I get to the potato part I have to talk about Gretchen. She was my mom’s best friend in Ohio when we lived there years ago. Gretchen was (and I am positive still is) an amazing example of using your energy to serve others and offered her home in hospitality constantly.  What she had she shared and continues to.  Even as a child I was aware that Gretchen was a rare momma.  Balancing 5 children, her husband’s busy work schedule, grocery shopping trips in the middle of the night, running the children’s choir at church, taking on the burdens of others, just to name a few….and all at once, her plate was FULL!  I am sure Gretchen was kind to me because of her friendship with my mom but I always felt loved when I was with her. She recognized my love for babies and would let me hold her itty bity babies, seemingly not freaking out that I was too young or not capable. She would prop me up in one of their lazy boy chairs and let me cuddle away. She along with my own mom and other special women fostered my desire to be a mom someday.  Her family is so special to ours. I look forward to their Christmas card each year to see how their family has grown!

Back to the mashed potatoes…

I love this recipe because you can make them the day ahead and just warm them in the oven. I love homemade mashed potatoes but hate the pot, mixer, measuring cup mess in the middle of cooking a million other things. Most things can’t be done in advance but these you can check off early! And if you wanted to get super fancy shmancy you could pipe the potatoes into individual ramekins and bake them that way.

Disclaimer: my mom wrote down Gretchen’s recipe years ago and my mom is known for reconstructing recipes when she loses the original. So when Gretchen writes to me with any corrections I will update the below recipe.  (I completely forgot to take a picture so you just have to trust me on this one!)

Gretchen’s Mashed Potatoes

1 bag Russet or Yukon Gold potatoes

1 8 oz package of cream cheese, softened

1 stick of butter, softened

1 cup half and half

1 T seasoning salt

1/2 tsp onion salt (I used onion powder for flavor but not added salt) 

Pepper to taste

Boil the potatoes until tender. Put into a mixer and whip with all other ingredients. After the potatoes are nice and smooth spread into a casserole pan. Refrigerate until ready to serve, bake at 350 for 30 mins or until heated through.  Enjoy!

And while we are on the topic of side dishes I thought I would throw this one out there too just in case anyone is tired of the same old sides. This one was introduced to us in Germany by our friends Bo and Leigh. When I asked Bo for the recipe after our first introduction to it this is what he sent me…clearly he loves it!   I am still tracking down the original source but for today we will give credit to Bo because I am betting he loves it more than the person who first concocted it. *update…he thinks it’s Paula Deen that created it. I found the link to her magazine post with the original.

Harvest Casserole

Paula Deen

a.k.a – “Awesomeness”

 Serves: 10-12 people (or 5-6 people who know how important it is to go back for seconds)

 5 cups (1/4 inch diced) sweet potatoes [about 2 large]

5 cups chopped Granny Smith apples [about 3 medium]

1 cup sweetened dried cranberries

1 ½ cup firmly packed brown sugar – [divided]

2 teaspoons ground cinnamon – [divided]

¼ teaspoon of salt

¼ cup of butter [1/2 stick cut into teaspoon size pats]

1 cup quick-cooking oatmeal

¼ cup all purpose flour

½ cup stick of butter, melted

 Method:

1. Preheat oven to 400 F ***adjust for Celsius***
2. In a large bowl, combine sweet potatoes, apples and dried cranberries
3. In a small bowl, combine ½ cup of brown sugar, 1 teaspoon of cinnamon, and the salt.
4. Add to the sweet potato/apple/cranberry mixture, tossing to combine.
5. Spoon into sprayed 13 X 9 X 2 inch baking dish (or similar size) ***cover with oil to avoid sticking***
6. Dot with butter pats.
7. In a small bowl, mix oatmeal, 1 cup brown sugar, flour and 1 teaspoon of cinnamon. Stir in melted butter (1 stick).
8. Spoon evenly over casserole.
9. Bake covered in foil for 45 minutes.
10. Uncover and bake for 30 minutes.
11. Eat until you burst with awesomeness.

Tips:

• Sometimes, I’ve found the need to add a little more cinnamon to achieve the taste, so go with it by sight. If it looks like it needs more, add another teaspoon or two.
• I’ve also sometimes up the amount of oatmeal to achieve a bit fuller coating. Once again, judge by the eye. If you need more, add about 1/3 to ½ cup.
• Don’t forget to spray Pam or oil the casserole so the stuff doesn’t stick.
• As it bakes, the butter will combine with the sweet potato and apple juices, so it doesn’t hurt to cut the apples and sweet potatoes up earlier and let them sit in the fridge for a bit to dry out slightly so there is less liquid on the bottom of the casserole.

What sides are you all making this year? This is our first yr in a while to not have to make a turkey and host Thanksgiving dinner. We are going to celebrate at my Aunt and Uncle’s house so I get to just contribute the meal with pies, appetizers and fun stuff and not host the whole shebang. It will be a nice break. Although I might have to buy a turkey on sale the day after just so our house can smell like thanksgiving.